As you watch your child grow, you’re always watching to make sure they have the best chance of success. From monitoring their physical growth to charting their developmental milestones, you want your kid to thrive.
If you have noticed unexpected behaviors or missed milestones, you may wonder, “Is my child Autistic?” Whether you have a family history of neurodivergence or simply want to know what traits to look out for, it’s an understandable and important question. Here are some things to bear in mind.
What does “signs of autism” mean?
Autism looks different in each Autistic person, but there are some common traits. Some of the most common signs of autism in kids include:
- delayed developmental milestones
- challenges around social communication
- repetitive behaviors and speech
- intense special interests
- differences in processing sensory stimuli that may cause powerful aversion or powerful attraction to certain sounds, textures, and more.
It’s important to keep in mind that Autistic people are human beings, not a list of diagnostic criteria. It’s also critical to remember that many common traits of autism can be interpreted as “bad behavior”, and may become more pronounced when the Autistic kid is overwhelmed or distressed.
We consulted with Tiffany “TJ” Joseph, an autism accessibility advocate and educator who is Autistic and the parent of Autistic teens for more perspective on these common signs of autism. She had this to say to parents wondering if their child is Autistic:
“Parents should know autism is not something they should be ashamed of or try to hide from themselves, the public, or the child. Autistic people can live long, happy, fulfilled lives. Being different doesn’t mean being worse or less.”
TJ says that it’s also important to remember that there are two ways of looking at many Autistic differences. For instance, in an autism-centered society, a child who is too focused to hear their name being called would be considered “normal,” and a child who is distracted by someone calling their name might be sent to therapy to help them focus better on what they’re doing.
Another example: if Autistic traits were considered the standard, having broad interests might seem pathological. Such kids might have therapy to learn to become more interested in one thing instead of merely dabbling. The future for them might be talked about as if it was bleak because they might never be able to specialize in a career.
Delayed developmental milestones
One of the major measures of whether a child is on the autism spectrum is whether they’re hitting certain developmental milestones. The presence or absence of certain behaviors and responses can be valuable in understanding your child’s development in consultation with a health care professional.
Some signs of autism in the first year of a baby’s life (0-12 months) may include:
- Not making facial expressions, including smiles
- Not making eye contact
- Not responding to their name
- An aversion to being touched
- Strong reactions to sensory stimuli
- Repetitive motions, especially when stressed
- Not waving goodbye or performing similar gestures by 12 months of age
Signs of autism in toddlers (13-24 months) may include:
- Speaking late, losing speech abilities, or not speaking at all
- Not sharing their interests with others
- Not pointing at interesting things
- Not noticing when others are hurt or upset
- Intensely avoiding certain sensory experiences
- Intensely seeking other sensory experiences
Milestones like these can be a double-edged sword. They are helpful in recognizing delays from what is “typical”, and it’s important to follow up with your doctor if you notice your child missing milestones. But it’s important to remember that each child is different. Some acquire skills faster or slower than others.
Autism and communication in kids
Communication looks different in kids with autism. They may not exhibit language skills that look like what you’d expect, or at the rate you’d expect. You may have noticed that many of the milestones used to measure development focus on social interaction skills. The way people communicate with others or express emotion is a large part of charting a child’s growth, and it’s especially relevant when it comes to autism.
Kids with autism may struggle with social situations. They may not respond to communication with the cues that most people associate with attention and comprehension, such as eye contact. They also may not communicate back.
Some Autistic people have an inability to speak (due to their body not responding to the signals from their brain), but can still communicate with words in other ways. Still other people have difficulty communicating at all.
Our expert TJ reminds parents that a lack of communication skills isn’t necessarily due to a language acquisition deficit, but to a disconnect between brain and body. Just because they don’t respond, doesn’t mean that they don’t understand.
It may also take extra time for Autistic children to process language. It could take extra minutes, hours, or even days for them to take your meaning and respond. It doesn’t mean that they aren’t processing. It may just take more time.
Dealing with these communication differences can be challenging for a caretaker. It can be hard to know what to say and how to say it when it’s not obvious to you how much is getting through to the other person.
TJ says to treat Autistic children with respect. That means speak to their actual age, not their supposed developmental age. It also means don’t baby-talk to them, and don’t talk about them like they aren’t there.
“We don’t know what they understand or not. Therefore, we must act like they do understand everything at all times. They may not appear to be listening, but as the community motto goes, ‘listening doesn’t have a look.’ There are many reasons why an Autistic person can’t look toward someone who is talking to them.”
Aggression and autism in kids
Autistic kids may exhibit behaviors that resemble aggression. Very often this is actually an attempt to deal with an overwhelming emotional state or a dysregulated nervous system. At the same time, it can be distressing to see and isolating to deal with. TJ has some thoughts on dealing with this behavior.
One thing is to bear in mind that behaviors that look aggressive to you might not actually be rooted in anger. Per TJ, “I have had many a student tell me that they aren't actually feeling any negative emotions when they are hitting, biting or screaming. In fact, it has been quite the opposite. They were feeling joy or excitement for something good coming up.”
For a lot of Autistic people, positive emotions can be just as overwhelming as negative ones, sometimes, and lead to similar-looking results. Once their body starts running that “motor loop” of aggressive-looking behavior, embarrassment can set in, which can fuel that motor loop even more.
TJ has asked her students about the gulf between their body’s movements and their feelings. “Pretty much 100% of them have said they feel ashamed. Not only that, but the helplessness of their body leads to dysregulation in the moment, which, guess what, makes the aggressive behavior happen more. It then becomes a depressing cycle where everyone thinks there is something wrong while they have no way to convey otherwise.”
In these situations, it’s crucial to understand what is happening with the child, but that can be extremely difficult. Children with communication issues may not be able to say things like “I’m not trying to hit you” or “I am experiencing physical pain”.
That last one is particularly important. Not every Autistic child can easily communicate when something feels painful or wrong with their body. That’s why TJ says that “...any time a behavior seems aggressive, medical checks are the top priority. They can be life-saving.”
Repetitive behavior and patterns
Another behavior you might notice is stimming. Short for “self-stimulatory behaviors,” this can refer to repetitive movements, repeated words, or other, similar actions. Autistic kids may engage in stimming to calm themselves, to cope with being overwhelmed, or to aid in focus.
TJ notes that stimming can be subtle, “like listening to the same song or watching a particular scene over and over.” Collections and organizing those collections beyond what seems typical can also be a sign of stimming.
Stimming is not the same thing as self-harm. Letting someone stim, or even enabling it through the use of stimming toys, can help Autistic people focus better, and cope with challenging situations.
Special interests
Autistic special interests may look similar in passing to the normal phases that a child goes through, but they’re much more all-encompassing. Most neurotypical kids will go through periods of intense interest in dinosaurs, or trucks, or whatever else catches their attention. For Autistic kids, the interest goes far beyond that.
Autistic kids may be completely consumed by their special interest. They constantly think and talk about it. (You may be familiar with the word “infodumping,” which Autistic people use to describe pouring out a ton of information on their special interest to a friend.)
Even nonspeaking Autistic kids will still communicate about it by choosing videos and books on the topic for entertainment with others. Any other interests have their root in that first special interest. TJ reflects:
“When I was little, I was so interested in a composer named George Gershwin and his works that even today, all of my music preferences and tastes can still be tracked back to George Gershwin and his brother, Ira Gershwin. Whether it’s rap, heavy metal, classical, or even pop music. Everything I love now, directly or indirectly, all links to how he composed music and his brother wrote lyrics.”
Sensory issues
Autistic people process sensory information differently than neurotypical people. They may be unusually sensitive to light, sound, smell, taste, touch, or even environmental factors like the emotions of people around them, or the weather.
According to TJ, this can start very early. TJ recalls gently stroking their baby’s head. At just 2 or 3 days old, their baby summoned the motor skills to push their hand away and vocally complained.
In addition to responding to extremes, a kid on the spectrum may also not respond to those stimuli. They may also respond with intense enthusiasm, and a desire to repeat a certain sensory event repeatedly. “It may be a certain sound, flashing lights on and off, spinning around, pressing their hands in the cold, and virtually an unlimited amount of sensory experiences they seem to be attracted to.”
Tests for children with autism
When you search for information about autism in kids, there’s no shortage of online tests that appear. While it’s tempting to click a few boxes to get more information, these seemingly easy answers come with risks.
Tests like these cast a wide net with broad questions. They can cause anxiety in parents by raising concerns about traits that neurotypical people may also display, and there’s no way to confirm how accurate they are.
As TJ says, “If someone feels that their child displays some traits of autism, they should bring it up to their child’s doctor or find a developmental pediatrician.” Doctors can use reliable criteria and in-person observation to measure whether your child falls on the spectrum. The doctor may use the formal diagnostic term “autism spectrum disorder (ASD)” when having this conversation.
About Tiffany Joseph
Tiffany “TJ” Joseph (she/ they) is an Autistic paraeducator who works with Autistic students in public school, and parent of three neurodivergent teens, two of whom are Autistic. TJ has given talks to speech language pathologists to train them on high-tech AAC implementation in homes and classrooms at the American Speech and Hearing Associations’ annual conferences. TJ also is a Spelling instructor and communication and regulation partner for Nonspeaking and minimally-speaking Disabled people of all ages.
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